As I think the girls have wrecked the kitchen floor!  It’s now a lovely multi-coloured pattern thanks to the great fun we had doing this activity from Doodle-Do on CBeebies.  Flopys has been talking about doing it for a while, so this afternoon we went for it and they stayed totally engrossed in it for a whole hour!  Pretty impressive for a 2 year old and a nearly 4 year old.  Must remember that activity for the future.  They produced some fab art which I’ve neglected to take photos of…but I do think that the process was way more important than the product in this case anyway

We’ve also heard that our mortgage offer has come through, so that’s the money sorted out.  Just waiting for the solicitor to do the searches now…shouldn’t be much longer we hope.

Forgot to blog that on Wednesday we went to a new (to us) HE group which we all loved.  Flopsy and Mopsy fell head over heels in love with a little dog, which they played with most of the afternoon.  I knew a couple of the families there in real life and one or two from the internet and can’t wait to go to the next meet there.

Over on Sometimes It’s Peaceful, there has been much discussion on the subject of housework in a non-coercive household.  The topic of ‘unfooding’ came up once or twice…a made up phrase which I’m guessing describes more or less what we do. 

I have (unsurprisingly to those readers who have been reading for some time or who know me in real life) breastfed all my babies.  Flopsy and I decided that weaning time for her came at about 2.75yrs - Mopsy is still breastfeeding as, of course, is Cotton-tail.  When it came to introducing solids to Flopsy, at the recommended 6 months of age, she refused all runny/mushy food except for yoghurts.  We worried but had heard vague things about baby-led weaning so tried to be a bit less twitchy about it.  When she was 7 months old, I went to a little Christmas party at our Bumps and Babies group.  I handed her a piece of cucumber to play with as she was teething and I thought it would help her gums - she guzzled it down no trouble.  After that we gave her grown-up food all the time, occassionally pre-chewing it for her.  At her 9 month check, the Health Visitor didn’t really actually look at Flopsy, but only at her weight chart and told me she was too small and ‘needed to be getting her calories from solids now, rather than breastmilk’ (which is very stupid as everyone knows that a calorie is still a calorie wherever it comes from!).  I was very worried despite my knowledge of breastfeeding, because I knew that I couldn’t force her to eat anything more than she was.  So I went away and did more reading about baby-led weaning and long-term breastfeeding and decided that I had nothing to worry about so long as she was still breastfed on demand.  By age 1 year, she was eating adult-sized portions at mealtimes and loving her food.  Now, she is a very healthy little girl, very slightly smaller than the average, but then I’m short and DH is thin so she’s probably the size she’s meant to be.  She’s gone through several phases of eating very little - occassionally next to nothing! - and several stages of having a massive appetite.  I trust her body to get her to eat and drink what she needs when she needs it and it seems to be working.  But we feel the only way to trust her completely is to let her eat and drink whenever and not just restrict her eating to mealtimes.  Just as she was perfectly capable of self-regulating her own nutrition when she was exclusively breastfeeding, so she is perfectly capable of doing the same with solid food. 

But what about table-manners?  What about the social convention of mealtimes?  How will she learn them?  (By the way, Mopsy is now doing the same thing).  We trust that both girls will just learn these things as they grow up if they are free from any pressure to do so.  In fact, while we adults sit at the table to eat meals together, both girls nearly always join us, although we never pressure them to…just offer a plate of what we’re eating.  If they’re wathing tv, they even turn it off in order to join us sometimes!  If they don’t want to be with us, then I can’t exactly blame them…we usually talk about adult things which are boring to them…but it rarely happens.  They nearly always choose to eat with us as they enjoy the social occassion of eating meals together.  Sometimes they eat very little at the table, but I don’t mind that if we’ve cooked for the adults and just left a child-sized portion for them - it’s not exactly a waste and I know they eat a balanced diet over a period of time and that’s surely the most important thing.

Oh yes…balanced diets…how do they do it?  Who knows?  I certainly don’t stop them eating chocolate or biscuits if they’re around.  I don’t tend to buy them very often as they’re expensive, but if I do, they also choose to eat fruit and sandwiches even if they also have the choice of ‘treats’ as well.  I think that this is because they don’t feel the need to eat as much chocolate as they can when it’s available becuase it’s not rationed when it is available.  They know they can have it if they want, so they can take it or leave it and often will choose something else.  If I’m cutting up carrots, they’ll have some raw carrot.  One of their favourite snacks is frozen peas.  They love making their own sandwiches but prefer to eat ham just as it comes out of the packet.

So, a possible food day for the girls might be (I wrote ‘typical’ first, but then changed it to ‘possible’ as every day is completely different:

Get up and watch tv.  Come downstairs when hungry and have a few slices of ham and a home-made ice-lolly.  Drink squash from a sports bottle I leave out for them.  Have a play.  Eat a biscuit.  Join us for lunch, making their own random sandwiches - ham and jam is a current favourite!  Help themselves to a bowl of grapes I’ve left out for them.  Ask me to help them get a yoghurt to eat.  Be discovered sitting on the kitchen floor eating bread straight out of the bag together.  Have a bowl of frozen peas.  Be offered a square of chocolate from a friend’s chocolate bar.  Join us for supper - mince and rice, for example.  Mopsy will have a few breastfeeds during the day, and a mammoth one in the evening when she goes to sleep.  Flopsy usually stays up and has some random late night snack like jam on bread or ice-cream. 

I’m looking forward to having a blackberry bush in the garden, and tomato plants, and carrots for them to help themselves to.

So is that ‘unfooding’?  Whatever it is, it works, and it works with very young children so I guess it works with older children too.  It’s also pretty hassle-free and, once you’ve got used to it and seen it working, it’s worry-free as well.  I have to admit that when they go through phases of not really eating very much fruit or veg, I give them vitamin supplements, or put pureed veg in with their mince, but they usually end up having a fruit-and-veg fest at some point to even it out, so it’s probably unneccessary.  It means we have no meal-time rows about getting them to finish their food, or trying to get them to please eat one piece of brocolli.  And they’re becoming very independent very young, which is easier for me

The girls are bickering less!  After discussion with MIL, I realised that I’m breaking up far fewer rows at the moment.  I’m wondering if, by limiting tv, I was actually forcing the girls to play together, as there’s not really any other choice, really, if they don’t fancy solitary play.  Surely anyone would argue if they had to spend that much time doing things together.  TV gives them the chance to do something alongside eachother that doesn’t interfere with the other’s enjoyment of it.  And of course they’re then refreshed and ready for another bout of playing together.

Well I am pleased to report that both Flopsy and Mopsy are proving extremely capable of self-regulating their tv-time.  They have gone from watching it nearly constantly for a couple of days, to watching a video, then coming down to play, then watching another video and so on, to watching it only when life is boring ie. not much going on during the day.  They haven’t made it downstairs yet (10.40am), but then Flopsy only woke up an hour ago and Mopsy only woke up half an hour ago!  They’re watching Postman Pat or something, but they had such a fun time outside in the paddling pool yesterday that I’m anticipating another day in the sunshine when the garden warms up a bit.  I’ve made them some ice-lollies for later, so they’ll enjoy those. 

A very kind friend of Mum’s has handed down two girls’ bikes with stabilisers to Flopsy and Mopsy so yesterday we went to buy them helmets.  Thank goodness I was so insistent that they don’t even have a little go on them until they had helmets - Mopsy was only on her bike for about five minutes before she rode down a little slope and came off it.  She’s bruised her cheek, cut herself somewhere in her mouth as it was bleeding, bruised her knee and grazed her knuckles.  It’s all very superficial, but if she hadn’t had her helmet on she would have hit her head very hard and we would have had a trip to A&E!  It’s the one time I hate being a Mum when you watch one of your babies hurt themselves potentially very badly and you’re powerless to stop it .  Still, thank goodness for breastfeeding!  It calmed her very quickly and, of course, stopped the bleeding in the mouth nearly instantly so we could see there was no tooth damage or anything.  Flopsy’s too scared to get on the bike at all because it wobbles, being a proper bike with stabilisers - true to form it’s Mopsy who just goes for it and Flopsy who holds back!

I’ve been thinking about this total autonomy malarky and I have these positive things our family have noticed over the last week:  For Cotton-tail, Flopsy and Mopsy watching tv means more time for her with me - something Mopsy didn’t get as a baby; I’m less stressed for a few reasons; partly because I’m working with the girls instead of against them; partly because the ‘electronic babysitter’ allows me to keep the house in a nicer state and gives me a break from entertaining them which then means I’m in a better state of mind for some better quality ‘entertaining’ when they’re not watching tv; of course me being less stressed means that all three get a better Mummy; the girls are both learning lots of songs and dances as most of the videos they choose to watch are things like Fun Song Factory and they both join in so it’s certainly not a passive activity all the time; the tv also informs their imaginative play and they often come out with ‘evidence’ of learning that they must have got from the tv; I’m having to do less washing as they’re wearing fewer clothes (I’m trying to get less hung-up on getting them to do things just because it’s socially conventional!) - in fact…message for Mum - don’t worry about getting them any more summer clothes for the moment…I’m anticipating much near-nakedness this summer and therefore clothing quota will not need to be so high as in winter!; also, we’re getting more lie-ins as the girls are staying up until they fall asleep where they stand, or ask to be taken to bed, which is usually quite late, so they’re sleeping late in the mornings - always a good thing in my eyes

House: Well we didn’t get the co-op mortgage but only because of guarantor problems.  We’ve since engaged the services of a mortgage broker who came to gather information on Thursday and rang me on Friday to say that he’ll definitely be able to get us a mortgage on our income without a gurantor and we’re just waiting for Tuesday or Wednesday next week for a letter with a choice of mortgages.  So it looks like we will be able to buy the house for definite.  I’m a bit nervous of the next step though…making an offer…and finding a conveyancer…it all seems much too grown up for me!

Ok, I think it’s very clear that there are a lot of children for whom HE would not be the best option bearing in mind their parents.  However, I find this is the case for more and more people as I realise how most adults view children :-(  I’ve just read a thread on a parenting forum started by a mum asking for an answer for a question her child had asked her.  THREE of the replies started with disparaging remarks about how the child ‘needed to get out more’ or ‘had nothing better to do’ because he asked a question about something he was interested in :-(  The mother just laughed (well, did a laugh smiley!) and replied that she agreed he ‘needed to get out more’ :-(  Fair enough being too tired out to answer every question fired at you by an eager to learn young child, but thinking they’re strange for asking the questions?  And joking about it?  Forget the damage done by schooling - no wonder so many children lose their interest in learning if the primary adults in their lives that sort of attitude.

We’re back from our holiday.  We had a lovely time and I will post photos soon.

While we were away, I took the opportunity to read Doing It Their Way again as I have been feeling like we’ve been drifting away from the autonomous lifestyle we want.  It’s made me confront the biggest issue for us which is Flopsy’s worship of the tv.  She asks to put it on, then watches it for a long time, then eventually comes downstairs for a break of an hour or so, then watches it again.  All this time I am displaying my reluctance to let her as I can’t get away from the idea that it is bad for her.  This feeling is despite the fact she shows she’s learning loads from it (and who cares if she isn’t!) and it sparks a lot of imaginative play, rather than dampening it as seems to be one of the concerns of tv-dislikers.  We have decided (after discussing with other autonomous families) that my random limits (ie. depending on how I’m feeling when Flopsy asks to watch it) and my obvious dislike of it could be causing her to ‘binge’ on it more than she would under normal circumstances.  Therefore we are going to aim for total non-coercion in our house for a couple of weeks and see what happens.  If we are still concerned at the level of tv-watching going on, we will discuss with Flopsy why we are concerned and see if we can come to an agreement that suits us all about how much tv and when etc.  I think I will also try to ‘chart’ our progress on this blog and will attempt, for a week at least, to document each day as they happen!  I’ll start with yesterday (as we haven’t really had much of today yet!).

It’s too far!  I just got my head around the idea of camping with three littlies and thinking I could possibly do it, knowing that many of the lovely people from the Early Years HE list would be there, and also from the Early Years HE blogring and then I did a route finder on RAC.  I just don’t think I have it in me to drive for 5.5hours, then camp with two young children and a baby, then drive 5.5hours again.  I’m really disappointed.  Maybe I’ll just have to organise my own camp over our side of the country!  Who’ll join me? 

We haven’t heard from our LA about Flopsy going to school…other families in our area with children her age have done.  Maybe we won’t have to deal with pressure to be inspected by LA officials - something I’m getting very nervous about as we get nearer and nearer to this September, when most children Flopsy’s age would be starting school (although it’s not compulsory until September 2008).  I’ve been burying my head in the sand about the current HE situation in the UK, and locally, but I think I’m going to have to spend this evening reading all the recent emails on the subject on our local HE email list so that I do actually know what’s going on.  I am also reading wonderful blogs like Sometimes It’s Peaceful and Dare To Know - people writing about autonomous learning and how it works with the LA, just in case we do get ‘found out’!  I don’t want to have to take this so seriously, but I think I ought to now.  I also don’t really understand why I’m feeling so nervous as time goes on…we’ve been planning to HE since before she was born, and now I keep questioning whether or not we’re doing the right thing…are we just doing it for us?  To continue our non-mainstream way of life?  Are be being selfish by not sending her to school?  I know all the reasons I don’t want her to go but I’m still nervous about it…am I the only one?  I guess I’m particularly nervous about having contact with our LA, but maybe that won’t happen for a while.  I think I need to start going to more HE meets to build my confidence a bit more.

I can’t begin to say how angry this makes me feel.  Childcare workers will, like teachers, soon become so busy filling in forms to check up on their babies’ learning that they won’t have time to play with them.  Where’s the fun in childhood nowadays?  It seems that the single most important of childhood now is to memorise a whole heap of things that someone has decided you ought to know.  Once you’ve done that, then you can get on with enjoying yourself.  Trouble is, there’s so much to memorise you don’t have time for playing.  And, as I showed in my last post, if you don’t make sure you do the memorising before you do the playing, you get punished and are allowed to do even less playing :-(.  I am so determined that my children don’t get into this school system where evidence of their work (not their learning) is more important than they are.  And now they’ve decided to extend this nonsense into babyhood.  It’s all so wrong.                                                                     

Just read another post on a mainstream parenting forum which has made me glad we’re not sending the girls to school - the daughter in year 2 was kept in during playtime because she didn’t do her homework!  What age is year 2?  6/7 years?  I thought one of the reasons we’re meant to send our children to school is for the ’socialising’ and yet if children dare to have fun at home instead of doing work, they are punished by being forced to stay in while all their friends play :-(  Makes me so angry!