My oldest daughter, Flopsy, was born in May 2003. I had always assumed that I would breastfeed my babies and was lucky that I had so much support from my family and husband and therefore managed to succeed with relatively few problems. We’ve always tried to listen to our instincts as much as possible with Flopsy – she’s always slept in our bed, started eating solid food when she wanted and so on. We also feel quite strongly that Flopsy should be given the opportunity to wean herself from the breast when she’s emotionally ready – something that usually only occurs when toddlers are between 3 and 5 years old, according to social anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler. When Flopsy was only 11 months old, we discovered I was pregnant with her sister, Mopsy. I’d read that some toddlers wean during their mother’s next pregnancy and I, in fact, had done so when my mum was pregnant with my younger brother. The probable reason for such young natural weaning is that the milk changes during pregnancy. The hormones from the placenta cause the body to release less of the milk-stimulating hormone, prolactin, so the actual quantity of milk decreases. This isn’t a problem for a toddler who is likely to be eating good amounts of solids. Flopsy didn’t wean while I was pregnant so she obviously didn’t mind the lower amounts of milk, probably finding that the emotional benefits of suckling made up for it! As pregnancy progresses, the breasts start to produce colostrum as the mother’s body knows to provide for the more vulnerable foetus first; the more robust and independent toddler comes next and mum comes last of all! Colostrum has a laxative effect, meant to help purge the newborn’s gut of meconium (baby’s first poo). I knew when my milk had become colostrum because Flopsy started to produce runny nappies again!
A lot of the people close to me, although supportive of my decision to continue breastfeeding Flopsy, were concerned about how tired it would make me. However, I only found the opposite. I found (as many pregnant nursing mums do) that I felt much less sick during the first trimester. When Flopsy got a bad ear-infection and was in pain and not wanting to eat or drink, I was able to keep her calm, hydrated and nourished by nursing her at the breast; and again after Mopsy was born when she got tonsillitis. This made these distressing illnesses easy and calm to deal with and probably a lot shorter when you consider that there were the anti-bodies in my milk helping her to fight off the infections. Running round after an energetic toddler is very tiring at the best of times, but when I was heavy and tired towards the end of my pregnancy, I was able to sit down for a rest when I wanted to by offering Flopsy a feed. I used to love the feel of her excited little body curling round my bump and gradually relaxing and quieting as the feed progressed. Of course, weaning a toddler gently can take a lot of time, energy and imagination as the intense mothering that occurs at the breast needs to be replaced by something – usually by longer and more imaginative ‘mothering sessions’ e.g. doing puzzles/reading books/playing games etc. And then there is the stress of trying to calm an upset and bewildered toddler having a tantrum (or we prefer to call them ‘meltdowns’!) without using the panacea that is breastfeeding. Breastfeeding a toddler also means that there are reduced stress levels at naptime and bedtime as breastfeeding a toddler to sleep usually takes only a few minutes and, to me, seems a much calmer way of getting a fractious toddler into bed than some of my non-toddler-nursing friends report!
When Mopsy was born and Flopsy’s life was turned upside-down, I was able to use breastfeeding to show Mopsy how important to me she still was. It really helped her deal with the disruption, as it was something constant and profound in her life. When the inevitable meltdowns did occur, I was able to calm all three of us quickly and easily by sitting on the floor and feeding them both together. They would usually end up holding hands or stroking each other’s faces and hair. I think sharing breastfeeding is one of the key factors in how well Flopsy has taken to having a new sister.
The only real downsides to continuing to breastfeed your toddler when the next baby comes along are sore nipples, which some mums suffer from more than others (I managed to escape with just a little tenderness in the early weeks of pregnancy); the usual minor irritations that any mum nursing a toddler reports (e.g. toddler asking to feed at inappropriate moments!); and other people’s concerns! Some people worry that breastfeeding can cause miscarriage or premature labour, but this is not so. Breastfeeding does cause the release of oxytocin, one of the hormones involved in labour, but not nearly as much as the amount released during sex – and that amount isn’t nearly enough to start labour. Most tandem-nursing mums find that they experience quite strong Braxton Hicks (‘practice’) contractions when breastfeeding but these are harmless and are in fact helping your body to prepare for labour.
All in all, I think I can safely say that if toddler-led weaning is important to you and you find yourself pregnant before it’s happened, tandem nursing can probably be only a beneficial thing for everyone, making the transition from a 3 person family to four (or more!) smooth and less stressful than it could be. Just get enough knowledge to reassure any doubters around you, as support is very important.
For further reading, try ‘Adventures in Tandem Nursing’ by Hilary Flower; ‘Mothering Your Nursing Toddler’ by Norma Jane Bumgarner; ‘How Weaning Happens’ by Diane Bengson; ‘The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding’ (La Leche League International).
Copyright: Clare Kirkpatrick
