My computer (6 years old) was getting slower and slower so a friend of DH’s offered to clear it all off for me.  However, my computer was so rubbish that it defied nearly all his attempts to do so and he only just managed, after about 6 hours of trying, to get Windoes 98 re-booted (or something - not sure of all the right lingo!) onto it.  Unfortunately, the ‘recovery’ disk I had with the computer is not actually a recover disk, so I have no drivers (or something) installed for my sound and video - this means that I can’t hear anything (whichi isn’t so bad) and that everything looks like it’s on an old BBC computer - really big and crappy!  It’s quite frustrating.  My parents have offered me their old computer, which I’m very graetufl for - it will be slow, but at least I’ll be able to see and hear things!  My computer is now super-fast, but super-annoying in other wasy, sadly.  I don’t really understand the driver thing, but I’m told that it would take hours to work out which drivers I’d need and to get hold of them, or something.  We need to save up for a new computer, but I have no idea how long it’s going to take…if only they weren’t so expensive :-(  Anyway, there definitely won’t be any photos on here for some time now.  Luckily, DH’s friend kindly saved all our photos onto CDs for us, as well as all my emails and documents so even though they’re not on my computer now, they will be able to be on my parents when I get it next weekend.

Because I often get bored of big knitting projects, I decided to have a few things on the go at once for me to switch between:

 This is a jumper for Mopsy - intended to be big enough to fit her next winter, but it’s going much faster than I expected and may well be ready in time fit Flopsy for a while first!

 This is a dress for Cotton-tail to wear next winter.  It’s my first attempt at knitting in more than one colour at the same time, and while I’m pleased with it as a first attempt, I’ve not left enough slack in the yarn at the back so where the sheep are pulls a bit, but it shouldn’t matter as the skirt is a full one and this is the back of the dress too - hopefully I’ll be a bit better at tit when it comes to knitting the front.

 This is a summer top I’m crocheting for Flopsy - the pattern says it’s to fit a 4 year old, but I’m not convinced that it’s big enough by a long shot so it might end up being Cotton-tail’s at this rate!  Crochet grows so quickly - this has taken me about four hours work in total - compared to hours and hours and hours on the other two projects!

  This is my Grandad with Mopsy - I had to post it as he’s dressed up as a nurse…as a profession he is a consultant surgeon so he’s experiencing ‘how the other half lives’ LOL.

The FSA have told artificial baby milk manufaturers that they are not allowed to put claims on their packaging that make the contents sound wonderful: Daily Mail article.  What I wish is that every man and woman could read ‘The Politics of Breastfeeding’ and/or ‘Breastfeeding Matters’, and/or ‘Milk, Money and Madness’.  It’s clear from some of the comments in response to this article, and from talking to everyone I know, that people really see breastfeeding as just a parenting choice, just like whether to use a travel system or a pram.  But it’s so much more important than that - it’s not only important to the physical health of the mother and her baby/ies, but also the psychological health and, on top of all that, breastfeeding is a feminist issue in Western cultures, and a huge political issue worldwide.  Breastfeeding campaigners are not, on the whole, trying to stop informed choice, or to interefere with people’s parenting choices, but trying to stop the artificial baby milk manufacturers from doing it!  Maybe one day I’ll write a huge long post about this subject, but I’m working on the national NCT breastfeeding helpline this morning and may have to leap up at any moment to help a woman deal with the disasterous situation today’s mothers are in - being told to breastfeed but not helped to do so by her care-givers, and enticed away from it all by the baby milk manufacturers who have succeeded in making many mothers think that artificial baby milk is as good as breastmilk

We’ve been having a very good, if very long and boring day today.  The girls have been upstairs watching tv, then coming down to play/argue/eat, then going back up again all day so far.  I’ve been tidying, doing laundry and surfing the net looking for free crochet patterns for a cardigan for Flopsy.  Today we have:

Played with the farmyard.

   Played at being ’supermum’ - Flopsy has a baby in the buggy, one in the sling and one in the rucksack on her back! 

Laughed as we noticed that Cotton-tail had fallen asleep while having a nappy-free kick on her play mat.

Snuggled up and made Mummy remember that we really are very adorable.

Because I’m working hard to not let myself get into situations where I’m prone to losing my temper!  DH’s parents kindly came over yesterday to help me stay sane, today I have a day at home on my own - tv is on and I am focussing on housework and playing and trying not to let the girls get anywhere near doing things that drive me mad.  Tomorrow and Wednesday DH is home, then my mum is over on Thursday and we’re going to a friend’s on Friday.  I’ve just made a lovely Amazon order with my birthday money so I’m looking forward to some new books being delivered :-)  Thanks for all the lovely supportive comments.  I know this won’t last long…it never does…it’s just working out ways to ‘protect’ the girls until I’m feeling better.

Everything’s been wonderful up until about three or four days ago. Now it’s not so wonderful. I keep crying and losing my temper. I’m exhausted. I don’t want to do Mummy-work anymore. I don’t want to look after Mopsy at all, right now. She’s too much hard work. She’s delightful and funny and sweet and cute, but she’s also harder than either of the other to to care for because of her age. I hate it that, after settling them down watching tv, when Mopsy gets bored and comes into the room, my heart sinks. I hate it that when she hits Flopsy out of boredom or because I’m not being the Mummy she needs I don’t react the way I ought to, I don’t do what would ultimately stop her behaving like that. Instead I react by screaming and shouting and then bursting into tears and trying not to throw everything in sight. I wake up in the mornings and just wish there was someone else I could hand them all over to. I’ve had such a wonderful couple of months being a mum to three…why is it all feeling so crap now? I didn’t want to post this, as it makes it look like I’ve got post-natal depression. I’ve been depressed before, and I know it’s in my personality. Maybe I have got a touch of PND, but I know that my depressed periods are fleeting and never need any treatment, so I’m not worried about it, I just hate it, that’s all. I hate it that I’m not being the mother I ought to be and that I want to be. I hate it that I’m not loving every minute like I was only a few days ago. I hate it that I’m losing my temper so much. I had a short temper like this in the last few weeks of my pregnancy and I’d been feeling so amazed that I was dealing so much better with life despite having a new baby to contend with. Cotton-tail is easy - she’s a lovely baby and a joy to care for. Flopsy is mostly lovely, but sometimes a total pain. Sometimes she starts the bickering and fighting between her and Mopsy and then I just feel like I’d like to leave them to it, no matter who gets hurt. Oh please let this crappy, tearful, angry period not last long this time…I want to be me again. Please let this blog post help me get it out of my system enough that I wake tomorrow feeling happy and looking forward to playing and being Mummy again.

Flopsy got the Usborne Flip Flap Body Book for Christmas and is mad on it. Although we will definitely be building up a good collection of fact-based books for her and the other girls as time goes on, financial constraints kind of stop us going out and buying books on every subject she expresses an interest in right away! So…where can I find good websites that cover similar subjects for the early years? Surely there must be some out there! Come on experienced HEors…where are they?