A generally very positive appointment.  Baby seems to be below average size, but Mopsy was exactly the same at that gestation and the mw wasn’t worried anyway.  Heard the HB - Flopsy and Mopsy absolutely enraptured.  The only thing that’s concerning me is how much the mw is making it clear she’d like me to start taking iron supplements now (got a v. v. low hB after having Mopsy and they thought I’d had a PE, I was so breathless).  I am going to take them anyway - I really want to avoid a repeat of last time round - but it’s not like her to push things (or maybe I just agreed with everything she was saying last time so didn’t notice!  She also seems very keen for me to have prophylactic anti-d, which is a different tune from the one she was playing when I was expecting Mopsy.  And then, despite last time I spoke to her seeming quite happy for me to go as unassisted as possible when it comes to birthing, this time she said ‘I think we’ll have to talk about this more later on’!!!  When I had Flopsy, I had NHS midwives, although I was at home in a birthing pool.  They (and my mum) noticed my body start to push, although I had no idea - I was in ‘labour land - and the mws stopped me so they could examine me - grr- broke my waters (they said it was by accident but who knows?) and told me I could carry on pushing if I wanted.  Of course I had now been well and truly brought back to reality and instead of letting my body follow it’s natural course, my fore-brain was again engaged and desperately excited about meeting my baby soon so I pushed with all my might.  She was born in only 5 minutes, and it didn’t hurt a bit.  I don’t think I’d have pushed so hard had I been still under the control of my hind-brain ie. in ‘labourland’ still.  Thanks to my enthusiastic pushing (in my opinion), I suffered a 3rd degree tear which necessitated me transferring into hospital to have it repaired under a spinal block and to stay overnight.  It was a minor irritation to me, however I only had Flopsy by that stage - going into hospital after having Mopsy was a much more complicated thing!  Anyway, back to Flopsy’s birth.  The tear healed perfectly and has caused me no trouble at all.  When I was expecting Mopsy, my Independent MW (the one I’ve got now) asked me to not push at all when it came to the second stage of labour.  Of course, there was no way I could be in ‘labourland’ and not push as I had to have all my wits about me to control my body so much.  It was the hardest and most painful thing I’ve ever done.  Ok, she was born in only 15 minutes, but it really, really, really hurt - compared to Flopsy not hurting at all!  I think it hurt so much because a) my fore-brain was engaged and b) she crowned for a whole contraction-gap which Flopsy never did.  I had a very small second degree tear so the not pushing may have helped.  But…I think that the ’solution’ is not to not push, but to not leave ‘labourland’ in the first place so I want my mw to leave me well alone and not talk to me at all.  I think that if I’m still in ‘labourland’ when it comes time to start birthing this baby, I won’t push hard, because I won’t be aware that that’s what’s happening, so I won’t tear badly.  I also feel that, as this may be our last baby, I want to experience a truly natural birth, but I’m concerned that my mw might keep putting pressure on me to leave ‘labourland’ at pushing time and concentrate on not pushing.  If she does, she’ll no doubt end up making sure my fore-brain is in control rather than my hind-brain, even if I decide to ignore her ‘don’t push’ instructions.  I’m feeling a tiny bit miserable about this - I don’t want to intentionally decide not to call her until it’s too late, but I’m hoping it doesn’t get to the point where it may be the only option I have if I want to not be disturbed.  Ho hum - I’ll just have to keep my fingers crossed that she doesn’t keep on about it and she starts to respect my wishes a bit, oh yes, and that I have the strength to stand my ground about it!

Is it just me, or is Me Too! the most irritation and annoying pre-schoolers’ tv programme ever aired?  Does anyone else find themselves saying ‘not particularly, thank you very much’ when mad Granny Murray says ‘And I expect you want to know all about what I’ve been up to today?’?  And who on earth invented her bizarre and irrelevant sayings?  The other day she told the market-stall holder “well, you know what I always say - ‘if you can’t bear the noise in the kitchen, move into the sitting room’”.  But then, her sayings apparently always ’save the day’ according to whoever has left their poor child with this deranged woman for the day - “Well, I never did!” is always Granny Murray’s response, which is completely bizarre considering every day one of her random comments ’saves the day’ so why she is so surprised every single time one of her unfortunate charge’s parents arrives to collect them, I don’t know!  Last week her wonderful saying (I sadly forget what it was now) caused the buffet-car bloke to make himself a kilt out of yellow dusters as his trousers had got covered with custard and he had to take them off!  I can’t tell you how glad I am that Riverseafingal isn’t anywhere near me.  So anyone else agree with me, or am I alone in my ‘Granny Murray is mad and annoying’ club? 

Yoga:

Last night I went to my second yoga session - why did I not do this sooner???  I don’t feel tired when I’m doing it; my body feels pleasantly exercised; I feel calm; and I’m actually realising that I haven’t once, really, tried to connect with this baby - I have now though!  It’s wonderful

Despair:

Ok, I naively thought that some of the mums doing yoga too would be a bit hippy and more like me but no, of course not!  Yoga is now such a fashionable thing to do, that half the mums there are clearly nothing like me at all.  The yoga teacher showed us a baby carrier that was being sold by a charity at a very, very low price (ok, I tried to ignore the fact it was a flipping Baby Bjorn rather than a lovely, versatile, helpful ring sling or such like) - what did the other mums say?  “Oh no!  Do you really think I need one?  I’ve just bought a great big buggy!  Not another thing I apparently ‘need’!!!”.  I had to stop myself shouting out loud: “It’s one of the *only* things you need!!!”.  Of course I forget, in my cocooned world where most of my friends baby-wear, breastfeed, bedshare, that the majority of mums just don’t - in fact it doesn’t even enter their heads to do so!  It certainly didn’t enter mine to carry Flopsy when she was a young baby, so why should it enter theirs?  I just feel sad that everyone else hasn’t learnt what I’ve learnt.  I forget that I’ve been on a mothering journey that they have yet to start.  One of them asked me whether I thought they really needed a baby carrier.  I told them yes, but not one of those ones.  I said “you can’t do the washing up and push your baby in a buggy to stop them crying at the same time, but you can carry them while you do it”.  But then maybe they were planning to let their baby cry it out :-(  I just shut up and reminded myself of the intrinsic/extrinsic motivation thing - they would only remember a minute amount of anything I told them then, and it certainly wouldn’t be enough time to alter the way they planned to mother their babies.  It’s got to be a ‘drip, drip, drip’ effect.  I know I sound patronising, but I know that I got a huge amount from hearing little bits here and there and wish I’d heard a lot of them earlier on - I hope that these mums get to hear little bits more from me over the next couple of weeks, enough to at least get them *thinking* so that their babies get to have a more pleasant beginning to their lives.  It’s obvious that the yoga teacher and I are the first people to make them think about even buying a baby carrier, let alone using one!  I just can’t help feeling despair when I talk to parents like this - it’s something I’m going to have to get used to when I’m leading the antenatal breastfeeding sessions and I know it’s something I’m going to really struggle with.  I just wish I could wrap up all the knowledge and awareness I’ve accumulated since Flopsy was born and hand it to them in one go so they don’t have to make a journey at all, if that’s the way they want to go.  I’m not talking about changing people’s minds to make them do things the way I think is right - I’m talking about making people aware of other genuine options from which they can choose which is the right one for them.  At the moment, most parents-to-be are only aware of the mainstream choices fed to them by glossy magazines and ill-informed Health Care Professionals.  At the moment, the alternatives are just wierd things that wierd people do, not genuine options that make sense - the mainstream doesn’t allow for people to put their prejudices aside and actually listen to why ‘wierd’ people do ‘wierd’ things.  If they did they’d be able to make a truly informed choice and I’d respect that whatever they chose - I just feel despair that cultural conditioning denies so many people the chance to get the information they need to do it.

Ok, enough debriefing now…off to write yet another essay now!

We’ve all heard this in newspaper reports etc. and I, for one, firmly believe it - how do you make up games if every minute of your day is filled with activity planned for you?  I’ve also seen it happen with my girls on many an occassion - they whinge and whine for a bit if I’m busy, but all of a sudden I realise I haven’t heard a moan from them for a while and go to investigate.  They always find some way to amuse themselves - either ‘reading’ upstairs on Flopsy’s bed (an activity that can consume them for upwards of half an hour, which is pretty impressive when you consider their ages!); or making up the most fantastic fantasy games.  These games are getting more and more interesting as Flopsy gets older.  Yesterday was the most wonderful yet: Flopsy had the easel out, which has a magnetic board on one side, and had put most of her magnetic letters on it really neatly.  They had all the tupperware out and the place-mats, and their play-food, and a few dishcloths.  They also had a big plastic box that I use as a laundry box, which was filled with an empty biscuit tin and some more place-mats.  I have absolutely no idea what part each seemingly random item played in their game, but I was expressly forbidden from tidying any of it away as it was their cafe.  I’ve had to leave it out all day today as well!  The laundry box was a drawer, I think, but I can’t work out what anything else was.  The cafe game has taken up hours of play and it’s really made my heart swell

The other thing they’ve been spending a lot of time doing (although where they picked it up from I have no idea - certainly not me!), is cleaning windows with a wet cloth!  I’m not complaining about that one

So I’ve been telling myself what a wonderful parent I am for ignoring them all yesterday while I worked

Flopsy would be starting school next September (2007).  I’ve just been looking at an online parenting forum and someone had posted about how she’s really daunted by having to have her school application forms in by mid-November.  It’s made me realise how ignorant I’ve made myself of the shcool system - I mean I know what happens in school because I’ve been there.  I know about the National Curriculum because it was introduced while I was at school and it was what my mum had to learn about when she trained as a primary school teacher.  I know what good teachers do and what bad teachers do.  But I don’t know about all the official-ness - what I’m meant to do if Flopsy goes to school; when I’m meant to do it; how I should prepare her etc.  I’ve not actively ignored any talk about school, but most of our friends now either have babies way too young for school, or children who’ve been in school a while, or are home educating.  And I don’t see a Health Visitor and the girls don’t have jabs, so there’s no way the system gets a chance to butt their noses in and tell me what to do.  It’s also a bit scary because…well…this is the time we really do have to make a decision.  Do we start researching schools so we’ve got options open to us should our circumstances suddenly change?  Or do we continue as we have done just ambling along ‘playing it by ear’ intending to home educate Flopsy?  What have others done who’ve made the decision to HE before their children were school age?

I’ve got such a lot I’ve got to get done over the next few weeks!

In less than two weeks time I’ve got my workshop: Before which I have to have devised a class plan and discussed it with my tutor (Ok, I’ve done the class plan, but I need to go over it and practice etc. and am awaiting my tutor’s comments, but I only managed that by putting the girls in front of the tv for a bit! Something I always said I’d never do!); and I have to have prepared a presentation to be assessed on at the workshop (for which I can find no guidelines about length or subject or what!). Oh yes, and I’ve got to send a form to my tutor for her to fill in about how ready I am for the workshop and then fill it in myself when I get it back before I go!

On the Saturday of the workshop, the antenatal teacher teaches the first of two full-day sessions on the antenatal course that I am to provide the bf session for. I had hoped to attend the first session so that the parents could meet me and so that I could ask them to write down on some postcards anything they particularly wanted to gain from the bf session. Being as I will be in London on that day, I’m going to have to compromise and meet only the mums at the ‘baby morning’ that the teacher is holding three days after my workshop. I’ll get the teacher to hand out the postcards to the parents at the first session so that the dads get them too, and ask her to get the mums to bring the postcards to the baby morning for me to collect. So that’s something else I’ve got to arrange before I go away.

Then, ten days after my workshop, I’ll be doing the bf session itself - aaarrrggghhh!!! So as soon as I get back from the workshop, I’ll have to start preparing all my materials and practicing with them so I feel confident using them and don’t look like a wally on the night! I need some fresh oranges; some straws; some kitchen towel; some paper plates; a knitted breast (don’t ask!); some dolls (we share those with the antenatal teacher though, so I’ll have to arrange how I’m going to get them from her - maybe I can pick them up at the baby morning!); loads and loads of cards with carefully prepared questions on them to guide a discussion; my tutor’s box of goodies (little props to demonstrate things to parents if they ask about them e.g. syringe; breast-pads; feeding cups; nipple shields and so on); some pieces of A3 paper with an agenda written on it; some packs made up for the parents with various info sheets in them; some feedback forms for the parents to fill in (as I understand it, a lot of bfcs don’t do feedback forms as it annoys the parents and is rarely accurate, but I have to do them for my assessment!).

After the session, I’ll have to do a write up of it asap so that I have got something concrete written down for me to base my essay on when I come to do that - which I’ll also have to get done asap.

I’m also hoping to get back my draft of the last essay I wrote so that I can finish that off this week and have it off my plate before the workshop, but I don’t know if that will happen - my tutor’s rushed off her feet too and even if she manages to get it back to me in good time, I’ll still have to find a spare day off of DH’s (ha ha!) to work on it, along with all the other stuff I’ve got to work on.

Then I’ve got one more essay to write and hand in. Once they’re all marked and assessed, I have to get them prepared to send, with *all* the assignments I’ve written, plus evidence of a few other things, off to Head Office to be checked and re-assessed so that I can be approved to register as a BFC, oh yes and a copy of everything I send to Head Office needs to be sent to Luton University so it can be ratified before my Diploma can be awarded. It takes about 6 weeks for an essay to be assessed and second assessed, so I’ll have to have my final essays handed in by the end of October at the latest if I’m to have any chance of preparing my portfolio for submission by the time the baby arrives. I don’t want to have to worry about doing it with a newborn baby as the deadline for submission is Jan 8th!!!

Oh yes, and along with all that I have to prepare for Christmas *and* the arrival of baby number 3. Still, although this may have been a very boring post for anyone reading, I have to say that writing it all down has been quite helpful to me! At least I have a sort of ‘timetable’ now for my BFC work - I guess I’ll work flat out for the next six weeks getting all my assignments done and handed in. Then I’ll have six weeks to spend getting ready for Christmas (can do the shopping online - or will it be too late by then? Beginning of November should be ok, shouldn’t it…?) and the baby (At least that will just mean spending a couple of hours going through Flopsy and Mopsy’s old clothes and buying a few new babygros, vests & nappies! Oh yes, and bottles, formula, a new cot, electric swing, dummies…only joking!) and then a week or so (maybe!) to rest before the baby comes! But I’ll probably be spending that week preparing my portfolio for submission. Thank goodness I’m starting yoga and will be able to go once a week from now on or I’d get no time to myself whatsoever! Note to self: Don’t forget to spend time with Flopsy and Mopsy (oh yes! And DH!) as well!

Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Update:  I’ve just found out I don’t have to have a presentation prepared before the workshop - it’s something we work on during the workshop.  So that means I should be able to get that essay handed in before I go away - hurrah!

Nestle is the biggest unethical marketer of artificial baby milks world-wide - using artificial baby milks (ie. not breastfeeding) has been shown to increase the risk of obesity - obesity goes hand-in-hand with being unfit - new tv. programme on last night about unfit children - who chooses to sponsor it? Nestle!!!! Talk about shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted!

How many children have you breastfed and for how long?

Two - Flopsy for 2yrs 10m; Mopsy is still breastfeeding.

What were your reasons for breastfeeding?

Having been brought up in a family where breastfeeding is the norm, it just seemed to me to be the way you feed a baby - no decision to be made! 

Who was the most supportive member of your family?

Um…everyone, thank goodness!  DH and my mum mostly, simply because they were around the most; but I have been very lucky to have had no unsupportive friends or family around me at all! 

Were your husband/partner/babies father/significant other (male or female) supportive?

Yes - he sees things exactly the way I do, so it’s not really a decision to be supportive, he just assumes that it’s his job to do what he can to make my mothering the best it can be.

Did you have any support from a group or Breastfeeding councillor?

Yes, my local breastfeeding support group and the wonderful Breastfeeding Counsellor who took my antenatal class bf evening and who is now my tutor!

How do the majority of your friends feed their children?

All of my friends breastfeed:  most of them I know from the bf groups or groups where non-mainstream parenting is the norm and most children from those families are bfed.  It’s just how I’ve met most of my close friends.

Has breastfeeding changed the way you feel about your body?

Um…not sure, really.  I think it’s just consolidated a lot of the awe I felt after carrying and birthing a baby.  I mean…it’s pretty incredible and wonderful that women’s bodies can achieve such miracles - not just creating life, but growing it for long enough that it can survive out of the womb, and then giving birth to it!  So the fact that my body’s been able to do that (twice now!) and also provide everything the baby needs for the first 6m out of my body is just an extension of that. 

What do you wish you had been told about breastfeeding?

How to stop milk from letting down at inappropriate moments!  Would have saved me lots of embarrassment and a fortune in breastpads!

What was the most surprising thing about breastfeeding?

How you can be loving it one minute, and hating it the next!  Particularly with a toddler!

Where did you first publicly feed?

Can’t remember - a bookshop cafe, I think.

Is there anything you would change about your breastfeeding experience if you could?

I would have liked to have been able to stand Flopsy feeding for as long as she really needed to.  She shyly asked me if she could feed today, actually, and for some reason I said yes - she changed her mind!!!!  Not sure whether I’m pleased or sad about that.

What advise would you give to someone who was about to start breastfeeding?

I wouldn’t give any advice - I’d listen to them and support them.  I might point them in the direction of some good books, or support groups, or the different bf helplines. 

Who are you tagging with this meme?

Deb at Notsheep

Carlotta at Dare To Know

Both my babies were born under water at home and it is such a wonderful way to birth I can’t imagine doing it any other way!  I can’t wait to do it again

Today has been very productive and positive, and I am ending it on a very high note

Firstly, my second and final workshop that has been cancelled twice now, and has been holding me back from finishing my course, is finally going ahead.  If this one had been cancelled too, I wouldn’t have qualified until this time next year - as it is, I’m on course for finishing all my work by the time the baby is born, submitting it to the Feb exam board and qualifying by April 07.  I can’t tell you what a relief it is that it’s going ahead, and hearing the news has really galvanised me into cracking on with everything else I’ve got to do before baby number 3 arrives!  I’ve booked the hotel for us, and DH has arranged to spend the two days with his brother, who the girls adore.

Secondly, after spending a week trying to work something out, I have finally managed to sort it.  One of my last lot of assignments is to tape record a role play with a ‘mother’ and me being the BFC, then I have to write a critique of it.  I had done the recording, and written a first draft ready to send off to my tutor, but I couldn’t work out a way of making a copy of this very important tape.  I was trying to decide whether it would be easier to buy a special lead to record from one machine to another; or to try to find someone with a two-deck cassette recorder that I could borrow.  Then today, the above news made me take the bull by the horns and have a go at simply recording it onto another tape with the two tape recorders close by eachother - it worked out!  The recording is clear enough to be a good copy, along with my transcript.  So DH is posting off my first draft of my third-to-final essay tomorrow morning

Thirdly, after taking forever to get my act together to call the pregnancy yoga teacher I’d been recommended, I finally got round to calling her and leaving her a message yesterday.  My motivation for that was losing my temper badly with the girls for the third time in three days.  I think my body is realising how close I am to the third trimester and remembering to push a few extra stress hormones into my body!  Not very welcome, after the last few weeks when I’ve been feeling very calm indeed.  I quickly realised I needed something to help release some of the tension I build up caring for two very young children day after day.  The yoga instructor rang me today and said that a course started yesterday, but that there were spaces on it and I could have one, and just pay for the classes yet to come.  She also said I’d probably be able to fit another course in before the baby arrives, which is wonderful news - I’m hoping that it’ll not only make for a calmer 3rd trimester, but also an even more peaceful birth than I’ve experienced already.  My next mw appointment is in a couple of weeks - she’s all for me birthing as unassisted as possible, and has agreed to stay in another part of the house until I say I really want her, however late in the labour/birth that is, so I’m chuffed to bits about that. 

Fourthly, last night the lovely woman who’s been doing the antenatal class bookings for our branch in my place while I was puking all over the place, came over last night to hand back all the paperwork ready for me to handover to the brand-new volunteer who is all keeness and organisation tomorrow afternoon.  I can’t tell you what a relief it is to know that someone is taking it on and it won’t be my job any more.  It’s not a difficult job, just a bit too much for me when I’ve got so much else going on.  Unfortunately, it’s not a role that the branch can manage without - pretty crucial, really, so, as vice-chair, I really am relieved that someone keen has taken it on.

Fifthly (is that a word?), I’ve finally got round to updating our very out-of-date branch directory so that’s one less job on my vice-chair list!

Sixthly (these words sound great!), I managed to make it to one of the breastfeeding groups today and spoke to two lovely women about baby-led weaning - they were chuffed to bits to find someone who wasn’t telling them off for following their instincts.  One of them said “I love this group - I seem to spend all week fending off unwanted and unwarranted advice from people determined to tell me I’m doing all the wrong things, then I come here once a week and top-up on the confidence I get from everyone just supporting me and seeing things the way I do!”.  What a boost!

Seventhly, DH and I worked out a way we might be able to fulfil and encourage Flopsy’s growing interest in the sky - she’s not only mad about the moon, but also about how clouds work (”the clouds are moving, Mummy!”; “The clouds are dark - it’s going to rain, Daddy”.); what the sun looks like as it’s setting and the sky starts to get dark; thunder and lightening.  So we’ve devised a really fab art project which should hopefully be interesting and fun for Flopsy (and Mopsy), but won’t go over her head too much, and will help preserve some of the mystery of the universe as it won’t be going into huge detail as to how things work.  We’re going to make a series of paintings/collages of the sky.  Today we painted three sheets of card a pale blue colour to make different day-time sky pictures.  Over the next week or so, we’re going to add to them - clouds, the sun, some rain, a few birds, an aeroplane, a rainbow - things that both girls notice and wonder about in the sky.  Once I remember to buy some black paint, we’re going to paint another sheet of card a bluey-grey colour and add to that a black cloud, some rain and some lightening (anyone know how to dye or paint cotton-wool black?).  Then we’ve got some black sheets of card so the girls can spatter some white paint on for stars, and stick a lovely foil pie-dish moon on.  Together they should make a really nice frieze for our living room wall.  I’m also thinking of printing out some words to stick onto the pictures, as Flopsy’s so keen on learning new words at the moment.  So I’m all fired up about that.

Eighthly, mum and DH (separately!) devised a brilliant folder game that consists of a blank 3×3 grid, and coloured squares that can be stuck onto the grid in a pattern.  I made it the other day, with a sheet of smaller grids with patterns on them for Flopsy to copy.  She had a go at it the other night and it was just lovely to watch.  She got really absorbed in it and DH and I found it so interesting to watch her method for working it out - of course it was nothing like the method I would have used, but then she’s a 3-year-old and I’m an adult.  It’s lovely to let them work things out the way they want to.

Ninthly, Mopsy’s gorgeous and has gone to bed with blue paint in her hair.

Tenthly (and lastly), we worked out that we are again eligible for the maternity grant so we will be able to afford a) Christmas and b) a new, much better quality single mattress for our giant family bed - the current one we bought on the cheap when we were expecting Mopsy and it’s now pretty knackered and making those of us who sleep on it have a bad night’s sleep.

Plans for the next 7 days:

1. Hand over bookings clerk role to new volunteer

2. Ask parents-in-law to order birthing pool

3. Prepare all the materials for making our sky frieze

4. Make our sky frieze

5. Buy some bulbs and compost and plant up our pots ready for the spring - hopefully the girls will enjoy that and Mopsy won’t eat too much compost!

6. Hopefully get my draft essay back ready for next Tuesday when DH has the day off again and I can get to work finishing it off so I can hand it in properly - then it will be just two more to go!

Right, off to lie next to lovely warm cuddly Flopsy while she goes to sleep then to watch tv. for a bit with DH before going to lovely big, cosy bed with my lovely warm, cosy family

ps. Watch out for the ‘I knew things were going too well’ post tomorrow