Comments on: ‘Rachel Cusk… http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/ Flopsy 4y, Mopsy 2.5y, Cotton-tail 7m Fri, 09 Jan 2009 12:04:52 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=wordpress-mu-1.2.4 By: elderfaery http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1372 elderfaery Sat, 22 Jul 2006 11:26:43 +0000 http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1372 I have so missed your blog, and it is great to be reading your opinions again. A doula I met bewailed the way a lot of women are delaying birth until after spending their twenties on their career and noted that these women seem to have a harder time during birth cos they have 'fixed' ideas about how things should be. But that is just a generalisation, I know. Motherhood can be miserable and that is a shame and a pity....as far as I am concerned the biggest help is to live in an environment where there are lots of mothers who really do enjoy their children. I am glad to hear that you are feeling better:) I have so missed your blog, and it is great to be reading your opinions again. A doula I met bewailed the way a lot of women are delaying birth until after spending their twenties on their career and noted that these women seem to have a harder time during birth cos they have ‘fixed’ ideas about how things should be. But that is just a generalisation, I know. Motherhood can be miserable and that is a shame and a pity….as far as I am concerned the biggest help is to live in an environment where there are lots of mothers who really do enjoy their children. I am glad to hear that you are feeling better:)

]]> By: Maia http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1199 Maia Tue, 11 Jul 2006 20:36:26 +0000 http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1199 Gosh, C, why are your posts always so insightful? You've really given me something to think about! xx Gosh, C, why are your posts always so insightful? You’ve really given me something to think about!
xx

]]> By: dottyspots http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1196 dottyspots Tue, 11 Jul 2006 19:09:53 +0000 http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1196 Really pleased your back - I had noticed you weren't blogging and was wondering if everything was ok. A cracking post (I'm just too hot and sticky and I'm losing all feeling in my right arm from sleeping baby to type anything more intellectual :D ) Really pleased your back - I had noticed you weren’t blogging and was wondering if everything was ok.

A cracking post (I’m just too hot and sticky and I’m losing all feeling in my right arm from sleeping baby to type anything more intellectual :D )

]]> By: playingitbyear http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1185 playingitbyear Tue, 11 Jul 2006 12:54:40 +0000 http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1185 One of the ways that intrinsic motivation can be changed, I believe, is by good person-centred counselling. This involves techniques that allow the person to see deeper into their souls/minds/hearts/whatever so that they can understand their true feelings and reasons for those feelings. I don't think that intrinsic motivation can be changed quickly either - it takes a very long time, almost a 'drip-drip' effect. Like you say, you saw and read about TCS, met with other TCS parents then suddenly it clicked and your motivation became intrinsic. Being with other breastfeeding/attachment parenting mothers undoubtedly increases mothers' levels of intrinsic motivation to breastfeed, but it is them that change it, not anyone else. We see this at one of our groups in particular, where most of the peer supporters are feeding toddlers and three are, or have recently been doing, tandem feeding. Many of the mothers who attend regularly end up feeding their babies for months and months longer than they initially planned to - it's become much more something they just want to do for the sake of doing it, rather than for the sake of their babies' health. But it wouldn't work us just telling them how wonderful it is, they have to do the 'work' themselves and let their beliefs and attitudes evolve slowly. Whereas extrinsic motivation can change very quickly - the minute you read about the benefits or risks of something, you can change your mind about it - but not your deep inner attitudes. If any of that makes sense! Cx One of the ways that intrinsic motivation can be changed, I believe, is by good person-centred counselling. This involves techniques that allow the person to see deeper into their souls/minds/hearts/whatever so that they can understand their true feelings and reasons for those feelings. I don’t think that intrinsic motivation can be changed quickly either - it takes a very long time, almost a ‘drip-drip’ effect. Like you say, you saw and read about TCS, met with other TCS parents then suddenly it clicked and your motivation became intrinsic. Being with other breastfeeding/attachment parenting mothers undoubtedly increases mothers’ levels of intrinsic motivation to breastfeed, but it is them that change it, not anyone else. We see this at one of our groups in particular, where most of the peer supporters are feeding toddlers and three are, or have recently been doing, tandem feeding. Many of the mothers who attend regularly end up feeding their babies for months and months longer than they initially planned to - it’s become much more something they just want to do for the sake of doing it, rather than for the sake of their babies’ health. But it wouldn’t work us just telling them how wonderful it is, they have to do the ‘work’ themselves and let their beliefs and attitudes evolve slowly. Whereas extrinsic motivation can change very quickly - the minute you read about the benefits or risks of something, you can change your mind about it - but not your deep inner attitudes. If any of that makes sense!

Cx

]]> By: Carlotta http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1184 Carlotta Tue, 11 Jul 2006 10:08:29 +0000 http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1184 Whoa..that was fantastic! Had been waiting for that post and it was well worth it. I do wonder if it is possible to help change a woman's intrinsic motivation? Perhaps explaining some of the possible benefits from intuitive, attachment-style parenting will help her understand the situation and then access those feelings that may underpin a genuine change in behaviour? It is my one problem that I have with counselling technique..ie: that someone who does have seemingly better theories can't just say "oi, look, your ideas are bad. This is why and here are some better ones". It worked for me with TCS...alot of theory presentation and then a moment of revelation that significantly changed my behaviour. And I am sure you agree that it may be possible to come to view your life after children, not as one of having lost control but of having achieved a measure of control along with someone else...common preference style...eg: when mums and toddlers both enjoy meeting with other mums and toddlers...that sort of thing. Whoa..that was fantastic! Had been waiting for that post and it was well worth it.

I do wonder if it is possible to help change a woman’s intrinsic motivation? Perhaps explaining some of the possible benefits from intuitive, attachment-style parenting will help her understand the situation and then access those feelings that may underpin a genuine change in behaviour?

It is my one problem that I have with counselling technique..ie: that someone who does have seemingly better theories can’t just say “oi, look, your ideas are bad. This is why and here are some better ones”. It worked for me with TCS…alot of theory presentation and then a moment of revelation that significantly changed my behaviour.

And I am sure you agree that it may be possible to come to view your life after children, not as one of having lost control but of having achieved a measure of control along with someone else…common preference style…eg: when mums and toddlers both enjoy meeting with other mums and toddlers…that sort of thing.

]]> By: playingitbyear http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1178 playingitbyear Tue, 11 Jul 2006 07:48:41 +0000 http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1178 You've worded that so perfectly and I could say exactly the same for myself. Before I had children, I never truly understood it when people said 'we learn more from our children than they do from us' but now I think it's the truest statement, but only if you let yourself learn from them. You’ve worded that so perfectly and I could say exactly the same for myself. Before I had children, I never truly understood it when people said ‘we learn more from our children than they do from us’ but now I think it’s the truest statement, but only if you let yourself learn from them.

]]> By: Cindy http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1168 Cindy Mon, 10 Jul 2006 21:57:26 +0000 http://playingitbyear.homeschooljournal.net/2006/07/10/rachel-cusk/#comment-1168 "Their self as a mother is just a new improved version of their self pre-motherhood." I love this statement. It resonates with me. Choosing to become a mother and embracing what it had to offer has added deep dimensions to who I am. It has helped me fully discover the deepest parts of me. It is discovery from the inside out. It brings an amazing awareness of myself, of life, that I never dreamed or imagined. “Their self as a mother is just a new improved version of their self pre-motherhood.”

I love this statement. It resonates with me. Choosing to become a mother and embracing what it had to offer has added deep dimensions to who I am. It has helped me fully discover the deepest parts of me. It is discovery from the inside out. It brings an amazing awareness of myself, of life, that I never dreamed or imagined.

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